(#221) The 3Rs: Rapport, Rigor, and Responsibility

Posted on August 17, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

I need to take responsibility to develop authentic and meaningful relationships with my colleagues.

This week I had the opportunity to work with the adjunct faculty of our college at our annual adjunct convocation.  Events such as these help adjuncts build connections and establish mentor/coaching relationships as needed.  Likewise, our event reminded me that our adjuncts can offer us full-timers mentoring as well.  Just because I am on the full-time payroll does not automatically make me an adjunct’s mentor.  Collegial collaborations go both ways.

Our theme this year (with a special thanks to my Dean and Associate Dean) focused on “Back to the Basics: Rapport, Rigor, and Responsibility” within our teaching and learning environment.

Image: dan/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: dan/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • Rapport. What do we do to build relationships with our students? How do we establish validating and authentic connections?  Without the human dimension it becomes difficult to carry out any other part of our mission.  At all times, we must remember that our students are more than data points on a retention Excel spreadsheet.  They are someone’s child, wife, husband or grandma.
  • Rigor. How do we maintain rigor in our courses? After all, we are preparing our students for a world beyond campus.  What skills do we help them to build?  At times, rigor is confused for a mind-numbing, fire-hosed stream of data.  Without relevance to the student (again, tapping into rapport), rigor quickly becomes rigor mortis!
  • Responsibility. There is a shared responsibility between faculty and student.  We educate them as to the tools and resources available for their use.  It is their responsibility to use those tools appropriately.  That becomes easier when the students develop a sense of self-efficacy—when they believe effort really matters.

While the convocation focused on the dynamics of the teaching and learning process with our students, the theme reminded me of the importance of nurturing relationships with my adjunct colleagues.  After all, I need to take responsibility to develop authentic and meaningful relationships with all of my colleagues.

And for those readers who are not in education, think of adjunct in terms of “temp workers” for your company. Or perhaps, contract workers who are brought in for a particular task on an as needed basis.

The 3Rs above apply to our relationships at all levels.  As you move into the new week, consider the following questions.

  • Rapport. What have you been doing to develop rapport amongst co-workers? Are you saying, “It’s not my job”?  Or, “So-in-So is the problem, not me!”? Are you waiting for the boss to do it?  While leadership can be critical, I have worked in a number of leaderless/rudderless environments in which the worker-bees had to step up and create a collegial environment.

    Video recommendation for the week:

    Regardless of what Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) says, there is not an algorithm for building a meaningful relationship. This takes authentic effort. While it does take effort, it is not rocket science.

  • Rigor. Whatever your business, how have you helped to maintain high standards for your product or service?
  • Responsibility. Who is taking on the responsibility to foster rapport and demand rigor? Are you a leader, a follower, or someone watching from the sidelines?

The 3 Rs. The basics for relationship building.

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in collegiality, responsibility | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

(#220) Be A Blessing: Show Gratitude

Posted on August 10, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

Rather than focusing on being “blessed” why not practice “being a blessing.”

I have written at length on this blog about the power of gratitude. This powerful emotion can change the trajectory of our lives. If we pay attention and if we practice it—truly practice it.

I often hear people use platitudes—but what they say rings hollow when their actions do not follow what they say.  Many times I have heard a person, in response to “Good morning. How are you today?” respond with “Blessed.”  Maybe they are.  Most times, though, the actions of the “blessed” person don’t seem to mirror blessings. More platitudes and empty scripting.

When we discuss the topic of civility in class, we spend a bit of time comparing and contrasting toxic relationships with nutritious relationships.  Often my students (like most of us, IMHO) tend to focus too much energy on those energy vampires who suck us dry.  They (the energy vampires) spew their poison and then walk away leaving us to wallow in their wakes.  It can be draining.  And it does not have to be that way.

Why not spend more time concentrating and giving gratitude to the nutritious people in our lives.  These are the people that we are not only glad to see but they are glad to see us as well. The treat us with respect (and gratitude). They validate us.

Why not validate them?

Here is a little activity I do with my students.

  • I give each of them a blank piece of card stock approximately 3” x 5”—or for those of us old enough to remember, about the size of a postcard.
Image: jannnoon028/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: jannnoon028/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  • I ask them to think of a nutritious person in their lives. Someone who encourages, supports, pushes, pulls, and makes them a better person.
  • I then say, “In the top left-hand corner of one side of this card, I’d like you to place that person’s name. In front of the name, place a salutation like ‘dear’ or ‘hi.’ Now, write that person a note explaining why he/she is nutritious to you.  Only use one side of the card.”
  • When they have completed that, I then issue a challenge. “Turn the card over and address it to that person.  And my challenge to you is to give it/send it to that person. It will be the best card they EVER receive!”  As Gertrude Stein reminded us, “Silent gratitude is not much use to anyone.”

The response is always gratifying.  I’ve seen eyes well-up with tears and smiles crease lips.  One young woman told me the activity got her back in touch with an uncle she had words with years ago–and had lost touch with this significant relation. Another student placed the card besides her husband’s coffee cup.  And the men respond in like manner as well.

To whom would you write your postcard?

Video recommendation for the week:

When I spoke at the Wyoming Student Affairs Conference this summer, a participant shared a wonderful link with me about the science of happiness and gratitude.  (Thank you, Chelse!) I will finish this blog post with that video.  It is less than 8-minutes in length. Please give yourself the luxury of watching it.

Reach out this week. Rather than focusing on being “blessed” why not practice “being a blessing” to someone else.

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in Gratitude | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

(#219) The First Day of Class: People Before Paper!

Posted on August 3, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

Student success will be enhanced when we establish an
environment of personal validation and respect.

[NOTE to reader: This week’s post comes from my forthcoming book (work-in-progress) on mentoring faculty.  In the weeks ahead look for posts on this blog that relate to the topic of effective teaching and mentoring faculty. As always, I appreciate your comments. Make it a great week!]

With the first day of class nearing for students and teachers, I would like to take time this week to speak to my colleagues—the teachers across this nation (and the world).

The first day of class is arguably the most important day of the school term. This is when impressions are made, trust begins, and relationships either begun or dashed.

As the teacher, consider this: Think to a time when you entered a room of strangers. It could’ve been a party. Maybe it was your first day on campus as a new teacher.  Do you remember how you felt?  Perhaps you were excited with a tinge of anxiety. Or maybe you experienced symptoms of full-blown fear and wanted to run away.

For our students this first day is so critical.  For first-generation students especially, it could mean the difference between them coming back on day two or leaving the campus forever.

Consider this mantra for day #1: People Before Paper! (Tip of the hat to my friend, Joe Cuseo, for always reminding us of this truism!) In a word: Relationships.  Establish a human connection before plopping down your tome (AKA: syllabus).  More specifically, consider the following questions. Ideally, these would serve as effective conversation starters with your colleagues.

Image: criminalatt/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: criminalatt/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

□ Initial greeting.  How will you great students before the “formal” introductions (see below)? Where and when will you do this?

□ Introductions: Them. What will you ask the students to share with the class about themselves?  Will you ask them to share anything? Why or why not? How will you guide them and make them feel at ease?

□ Introductions: You.  How will you introduce yourself?  Will you simply be the disembodied “Professor So-n-So”? Will you share something “human” about your life—and your journey to the classroom?  If you could only share three things with your students about who you are, what would those three nuggets be?  Why did you choose to share these? How self-revelatory will you be? What is appropriate? Inappropriate?

□ Timeliness.  Will you be in class early, right on time, or whenever the mood hits you? Will you require punctuality from your students?  If you will, how will you explain this to them?

□ Technology.  When will you have checked out the technology in the classroom?  Will you have been in the class before the start time of day one so that the technology (the computer; the projector; other items) is up and running when the students arrive—or will you use (and lose) the first few minutes of class to do that while the students are getting settled?

□ Trust. What will you do on this first day to begin the process of trust-building in the classroom? What will you do to begin the process of demonstrating the classroom is a “safe place” for expressing views and opinions? Do you want the students to express their views and opinions?

□ Icebreaker/Community Building.  What initial activities will you do on this first day to begin the process of building a community for teaching and learning?  Do you believe building a classroom community is important? Why or why not?

□ Baggage.  How will you convey to students that the classroom is their time to explore, be curious, learn—and focus on their growth? What will you do to encourage them to “check” their personal “baggage” at the door each day? How will you “check” your own “baggage” each day?

Image: Keerati/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: Keerati/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

□ Passion. What will you do to demonstrate your authentic enthusiasm and excitement for the class and course material? How will you show authentic excitement for their (your students’) presence?

□ Names. How will you remember the names of your students? How will you encourage them to know the names of their classmates?  Why would you even want to do this? Will you use photographs of students to help you remember names?

□ Seating. Will you require students to sit in assigned seats? If they can choose their seats, do they have to sit in the same one all semester? Can they sit in any seat at any time during the term?

□ Goal.  What is one overriding and specific goal you have for the first day of class?

□ Honest feedback.  How will you get honest feedback from your students about the first day in class? Will you: ask general questions in a class discussion; ask for anonymous written responses before they leave class; assume if no one asks questions all is ok?

□ Announcements.  What announcements will you want to make before dismissing the class for the first day?  What will your parting (last) words for the day be to your students? How do you want them to remember you and the class?

□ Civility.  What will you do to encourage civility in your classroom? How will you respond to acts of incivility?

□ Gratitude.  How will you show gratitude to your students? How will encourage them to show gratitude to the class?

□ Syllabus. Do you plan to distribute the syllabus on the first day of class?  If you do, will you read it to the class? Why or why not? What will you do with the syllabus once you distribute it to the students?

□ Social Media. Will you use social media for class communication and lessons?  Will you accept “friend” requests on social media?

□ Boundaries and limits. What boundaries (how far they can go) will you be sure to emphasize the first day? What limits (how far you will got) will you tell you have?

□ Class rules.  What are your major rules for the class? Are there any rules for the class?

□ Attire. What will you wear?  Why? How do you know what you will wear has the impact you think it will?

□ Relevance.  What will you do to establish relevance between this course and the students’ lives?  How will you demonstrate this course has meaning to their dreams?

□ Resources. Are there any campus, community or career resources you want your students to be familiar with from day #1?

Video recommendation for the week:

See how one professor builds relationship from day one.

The old adage holds, “We never have a second chance to make a first impression.” What will yours be on the first day you welcome the students to the classroom? You will set the tone for the entire semester. Continue to make a difference!

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in effective teaching, faculty development, Integrity, Making a Difference, Passion | Tagged , , , , , | 10 Comments

(#218) Stop Saying “I Understand!”

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

Don’t guarantee what you cannot deliver.

By now you probably heard the customer service call from hell that a Comcast customer recently endured. While Comcast apologized, I think most of us can sympathize, empathize and/or identify with the situation. At one time or another we have encountered a company agent who was anything but helpful.

Coincidentally, I was having my own issues with Comcast at the same time the story above hit the national news.

The short story: Comcast promised to complete a repair order and bury a new cable at our residence on July 14.  After several phone calls (lots of holds) and social media posts (my Facebook feed and the Comcast site), I eventually got connected with a corporate email address…which finally got the job finished on July 20. Five days late.

Image: stockimages/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: stockimages/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The teacher inside me has to pass along some suggestions/questions/lessons:

  • Stop over-promising. State what you can do and when you can do it.
  • Ditch the script. Please hire people who you can trust to speak without a script.  Someone who can think critically, speak clearly, and have a real conversation.
  • Stop telling every customer, “I understand.”  The third time I heard that I was over it. Especially when nothing has been resolved for days.
  • If customers call concerning a shortcoming in your service, why are your company agents hawking other products and services? If you cannot deliver on your current service, there is no reason I want to sign up for more (potentially) bad service.
  • When you make an appointment, make an appointment!  I was told by one of the many Comcast agents I spoke with that although I had an appointment for July 14, it didn’t really mean July 14.  Comcast, the agent told me, considers it has 7-10 days to deliver on that appointment.  Say what?  Tell that to your boss, your clients or creditors: “Sure, I’ll mark down July 14 for you.  But that means I might not complete my obligation until July 24.”  Huh?

    Video recommendation for the week:

    This video pretty much sums it up.

  • One customer service agent boldly told me “I guarantee it will be taken care of today.”  When I repeated his “guarantee” he said, “Definitely!”  It took another three days. Don’t guarantee what you cannot deliver.
  • Please define “escalation.”  I was told by a number of agents that my ticket was going to be “escalated.”  Three days into the ordeal, a supervisor told me she would “re-escalate” the ticket.  Glad she “re-escalated” as it only took another 3 days for service delivery!
  • Get more supervisors who can make decisions and tell a customer exactly what is what.
  • If you can’t handle the volume of calls, then either reduce your business or get more (and better) agents.
  • If you tell a paying customer (really, anyone) that “someone will call you later today” please make sure the call is made.
  • I found out (from a post to my Facebook feed) that there is a special “Make it Right” phone number to Comcast (that requires a special ID#).  Why isn’t the first call to Comcast the “Make it Right” phone call?

I realize operating the behemoth muscle-bound company you have created has to be difficult; and that service is slow at times; and that you cannot always deliver as you promise.

I understand.

Not really.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in Integrity, quality, service | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

(#217) What We Think We Become

Posted on July 20, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

Until she made the decision to start focusing on how her now created her later,
she lived a life of unfulfilled expectations.

Last week in Chicago, Liz Murray opened our conference with riveting revelations about her journey.  Liz’s story is chronicled in the powerful movie Homeless to Harvard. The daughter of drug addled parents, Liz moved from dysfunctional home to foster home to life with no home to Harvard graduate.  The story is gripping and illustrative.

On this night in Chicago, Liz focused on the theme that adversity is universal. The movie scenes I share with my students each semester emphasize what can happen when a person stops focusing on the adversity and starts moving toward what could be.

Me with Liz Murray at the Noel-Levitz Conference (July 2014)

Me with Liz Murray at the Noel-Levitz Conference (July 2014)

Liz told the audience that we all make a difference.  When she was just attempting to survive on the streets, she didn’t believe she could make a difference. She did dream of a better life but she did not know how to get there. Thus her life became one of “later.”

As she said, “I thought I had a ‘later.’ I thought I would see my mother one more time later; get a job later.” Her mom would say, “One day I’ll get sober.”  Which was another way of saying “later.”  And until she made the decision to start focusing on how now created later, she lived a life of unfulfilled expectations.  In fact, one could wonder if there were any expectations beyond the day-to-day struggle to survive.  I see this in so many of my students.

Let me share a few more of Liz’s nuggets from her talk:

  • “Lead with your heart and the rest will follow.” (She related that when she was in a group home, the staff were terrible to her and the other children. Power trips. They were not leading with their hearts.)
  • “People can’t give you what they don’t have.”
  • “People grow into the conversations you have about them.”
  • “Cynicism is the atrophy of your imagination and your heart.”
  • “YOU NEVER KNOW!”

Liz knew there was a better life for her—she just did not know how to get from “a” to “b.”  Then on one day, after being rejected by alternative school after alternative school (mostly because of the way she interacted with the school interviewers; she rejected them before they could reject her) she made a decision NOT to go with her friends but to go to one more school interview. She could have just as easily given up and said, “What’s the use?” Well, something inside urged her to persevere. And she got into that school. And that began a cascade of positive and life altering events in her journey. What if she had said, “Oh, they will just reject me I’ll do it later” and she missed that opportunity?

On another powerful day in her life she did three things:

  1. Applied for welfare
  2. Interviewed to go to Harvard
  3. Interviewed for the New York Times scholarship.

The only one who turned her down was the welfare agency!

As I type this, the coffee cup I have beside me, coincidentally, boasts the message “What we think we become.”

2014-07-17 13.23.46

Video recommendation for the week:

Liz Murray, thank you for the inspiration.

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

 

Posted in Excuses, Gratitude, lifelong learning, Making a Difference | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

(#216) Value-Driven Actions: What Guides Your Life?

Posted on July 13, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

This strategy (let’s call it “Five in Your Pocket”) might be
the nudge or reminder you and I need to practice  this week.

I have often challenged my students and audiences to write their top three priorities on a piece of paper. Then I ask them to list the top three activities (not counting sleep) that take up most of their time in a typical 168-hour week.

Go ahead. Do that now. I’ll stop and wait for you.

Now that you have done that, compare the two lists. Do they match?  Where you put your time—is that what you said you valued? Do your actions match what you say your priorities are? (NOTE: I do not ask what you “like” but rather, what you “value.”)

This week I heard a slight twist on the above activity.

Take out a 3 x 5 index card and write down your top five values. For our purposes here, let’s focus on traits and characteristics rather than going for the obvious people (my kids, my spouse, and my friends) or things (my house and my car).  For instance, here are five that came to my mind for me (they will more than likely be different for you):

  • Acting with discipline.
  • Maintaining well-being.
  • Making a difference.
  • Being dependable.
  • Demonstrating kindness.

Take a moment and list your top five.  I’ll wait.

Image: StuartMiles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: StuartMiles/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The next challenge:  Put the card in your pocket and for the next week note how many times you act on your values. Do your actions reflect your stated values?

Video recommendation for the week:

Your effort matters!

I know some weeks I am on target. Others it appears that someone else made up my list.  I am a work in progress.  Maybe, you are as well.

But this strategy (let’s call it “Five in Your Pocket”) might be the nudge or reminder you and I need to focus on and practice what we say are our values.

Even when life seems to spin out of control with just too much stuff, “remember when” life was good–and how you can make it good (for you and others) in the days ahead.  Understand your values–and live those values each day.

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in action, Goals, Life lessons, Motivation, Values and virtues | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

(#215) Consistent Talk or Consistent Action?

Posted on July 6, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

What goal will you focus on this week?
What action do you need to take to reach the goal?
How will you maintain your consistency of action?

As I write this, Hurricane Arthur is chugging up the east coast toward the Carolinas.  It passed by Atlantic Beach last night about 100 miles or so off our coast.

I saw lots of expectant surfers today on my sunrise beach walk.  One sat on the sand and looked at the surf like a football player getting his game face on.  “The waves don’t look as big as I thought they’d be,” I said as I passed him.

“Not a problem,” he said, “just as long as they’re consistent.”

Just as long as they’re consistent.  Marvelous!

Dawn 229

Isn’t that the way of it with teams, relationships, your exercise and your goals?

I have used the phrase of “huge outrageous goals.” Jim Collins writes about “big hairy audacious goals.”  Goals that make us reach; that make us stretch; that push us to go just a little bit further.  Powerful and important.

I kept thinking about the surfer’s word: “consistent.”  And the importance of consistency with our goals—large and small.  External consistency: between our goals. Internal consistency: within our goals.

  • External consistency. Do your goals complement one another? Or do they work at cross purposes and frustrate you?  Goals can be huge but if they negate your big picture then it really does not matter how big they are.

o   Example.  John is a student with big dreams for a large life once he gets his college degree. He has enrolled in six classes this term in order to get to the dream as quickly as possible.  He also has a shorter term goal of owning a car so he does not have to rely on public transportation. In order to buy his car outright (he doesn’t want debt—another admirable goal) he is working thirty hours a week on the night shift at an air freight company.  He is exhausted…starting to lose his passion and focus for school. His grades are slipping. Last week he was so worn down, he ended up calling in sick two nights in a row. And he missed classes.  Two huge (and wonderful) goals that start to cancel one another out. They are not consistent with one another.

o   Example. Sarah is a real go-getter.  She always has great ideas.  She sees herself as a “big picture” person; just loves coming up with new goals and projects.  Her energy and creativity are attractive to perspective team members.  Unfortunately, Sarah is short on follow-through.  “Everything always looks so good to me. I don’t want to miss any opportunities,” she told a colleague recently. What she can’t do, in reality, is focus on her goals. As soon she starts examining a new goal or project, the current one takes a back seat.  Her work becomes shoddy; and business relationships become strained. She has earned the reputation as some who thinks big—but acts little.

Video recommendation for the week:

How do you build sustainability on your way to your dreams?

  • Internal consistency.  Once you set a goal, do you move forward with consistent action? Are you dedicated to the end result—no excuses? Are you, as John Maxwell has said, intentional with your goals and growth?  Or do you just bump along hoping that something magical will happen and transform your goals into reality?

o   Example. Tony wants to lose thirty-five pounds by the end of the year. A very doable goal.  He has set up a great plan; has visited a nutritionist; and knows what he needs to do for caloric intake (his diet) and caloric expenditure (his exercise). He had a great first two weeks.  After that? He lost his focus and he is consistently inconsistent with what he eats and does in the gym.

o   Example.  Gertie decided to start a blog. “I want to add value and hopefully end up with a book out of it,” she told a friend.  Gertie read advice and strategies for blogging. A long-time blogger told her to post regularly. Whether it was daily, twice a week, or once a week, she would need to be consistent to attract followers.  Gertie decided to do a weekly blog.  She was diligent for three weeks—and then she let “stuff” get in the way.  Her next post was two weeks later.  It is now 6 weeks since her last post.

Large ideas can certainly create enthusiasm.  But absent consistent action, the big dreams have no legs. They are mere fantasies.

What goal will you focus on this week? What action do you need to take to reach the goal? How will you maintain your consistency toward your dream?

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in action, Balance, Choice, Dreams, Goals, Personal growth, Success | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

(#214) Check Your Baggage at the Door

Posted on June 29, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

Rather than living by the creed of F.O.M.O (Fear Of Missing Out),
why not embrace J.O.M.O (Joy Of Missing Out)?

The story goes that when Quincy Jones was producing the song “We Are the World” with some of the biggest names in the music business, he posted a sign on the door: Check your ego at the door.  He helped guide those stars to make one the most enduring songs of the era.

Video recommendation for the week:

A video with a beautiful message. For extra credit: Can you name all of the performers?

For the past few years, at the beginning of each semester, I have a photo of a piece of luggage on the classroom screen. It’s a simple metaphor for a powerful challenge.

As I explain it to my students, we all have issues to deal with daily. Personal and professional.  We all have our own dramas, demons, and distractions contending for our time and attention.  God only knows my students do.  From single parents with multiple jobs to those who are functionally homeless to those with dysfunctional financial and personal relationships, I wonder how they even get out of bed in the morning.  They have a lot vying for the attention—and potentially robbing them of their opportunities in the classroom and around campus.

Image: Keerati/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image: Keerati/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Thus, I challenge them to Check your baggage at the door.  I remind them that once they walk through the classroom door it is their time.  Don’t let anyone rob that time. I ask my students to turn off their phones during class.  Besides the interruption and distraction phone usage can have in and on the class, it diverts attention from the conversations, relationships and lessons of the class.

Rather than living by the creed of F.O.M.O (Fear Of Missing Out) why not embrace J.O.M.O (Joy Of Missing Out)?

Think about it. F.O.M.O. generally relates to someone else’s agenda, not yours. When we constantly check updates and texts, generally it is to see what someone else is doing in his/her life.  Why not focus on your life?  You are worth it.

Perhaps this would be an effective reminder as we go through our coming week. Can we check our baggage, even if for a brief while, to help us focus, rejuvenate, and appreciate what we have right in front of us at the given moment?  This does not denigrate the important and vital issues in our lives but it will help compartmentalize some time for us.

The baggage, more than likely, will be waiting for us.  The time we have given to ourselves and those we are with, however, might just give us (and others) the strength to carry it further.

I once read of a custom (Japanese, I believe) that called for a host to pour a glass wine and let it overflow into a saucer.  The host then gives the saucer and extra wine to a guest.  The lesson: “Be the overflowing vessel…find a way to make someone feel good.”

Perhaps when you check your baggage for a time you will be the vessel that helps yourself and others to feel better.

Embrace J.O.M.O!  Make it a better day for you and those around you!

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in Balance, Choice, common sense, Mindfulness, priorities, technology | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

(#213) Your Drama Ain’t My Drama!

Posted on June 22, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

When you come face-to-face with a drama queen/king, what do you do?  

Toward the end of one semester, I had my students working on a specific task in small groups.  I moved from group to group asking questions, providing clarification as needed, and enjoying the student engagement.  Then I got to THE group.  As soon as I approached, one of these adult (at least in calendar years) students  yelled at me (yes, she yelled at me): “I don’t like your activity!”

Hmm…

My initial response to the student, “I really don’t care if you like my activity. My job is not to please you. It is to provide educationally sound instruction and guidance in a civil and engaging manner. It would be a bonus if you ‘liked’ my activity—but it is not a requirement.”  She quieted down—and we got to the bottom of what the real problem was (e.g., interpersonal group dynamics).

How many people do you run across or work with or live with who believe the world must please them each day? None? Too many?

Sure it is possible the person in question just had a bad moment in bad day. Or that there is another/deeper issue present. Or it could be the attitude and behavior have been an ongoing issue (as was the case in the situation above).  In the latter case, we are looking at one example of an energy vampire: The Drama Queen/King.

Stuart Miles/FeeDigitalPhotos.net

Stuart Miles/FeeDigitalPhotos.net

When you come face-to-face with a drama queen/king, what do you do?  Cower? Run the other way? Give in and let him/her hold court?  Or do you set clear boundaries and limits for civil discourse? (Hence my explanation that I’m not here to “please you” and do things “you like.”  My responsibility is to provide the very best service/product that I can. From my experiences, when I do that—provide excellence—then people tend to be pleased.  It’s generally not the other way around.)

Also consider this:  Do you seem to always find yourself with drama queens/kings—in most every situation you are in?  Then ask yourself what the common denominator is. Is it you?  Are you enabling the behaviors? Again, boundaries and limits may help here.  If it is too difficult of a situation to confront (or even too dangerous) the help of a mentor, coach or counselor may be worth considering.

As some of you know, I distribute “HTRB” (Hit the Reset Button) bands when I speak.  I also had a limited supply of “YDAMD” (Your Drama Ain’t My Drama) bands made.  Each time I made them available after one of my presentations there was always a line.   A lot of people can identify.

YDAMD

In some cases, the DQ/K simply needs a little reality check. She/he may be on the whole a decent person who doesn’t quite understand the ramifications of the behavior.  At other times, minimizing contact might be appropriate.

Video recommendation for the week:

What do you do when confronted with a DQ/K? What have you found to be effective strategies?

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in boundaries and limits, Civility, Drama Queens/Kings, Energy Vampires | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

(#212) Teachers Make a Difference—Everyday!

Posted on June 15, 2014 by Steve Piscitelli

Think of your favorite teacher, counselor, or advisor.
What did she/he do to make a difference?

This blog post will be a repeat message for some who follow me on Facebook. It warrants repetition. So thanks for the indulgence

I just finished my 32nd year of classroom teaching. As I travel working with teachers around the nation, more and more I am asked to speak/facilitate about the non-cognitive/non-academic factors for student success. Academics is obviously important, but so much more goes into “building” and nurturing the total student.  And when these factors receive attention, they make a difference in the lives of the people in our classrooms.

Quick shout out and suggestion: Check out Today I Made a Difference: A Collection of Inspirational Stories from America’s Top Educators (Joseph W. Underwood, editor. Avon, MA: Adams Media, 2009). Uplifting stories of what the good ones do day after day.

Today-I-Made-a-Difference

Last week I posted a simple question on my Facebook page:

“Think of your favorite teacher, counselor, or advisor. What did she/he do to make a difference?”

People responded with vivid memories of a teacher or two in their respective lives who made a difference to them.  Their explanations of what a teacher did to make a difference went directly to the heart of effective teaching (IMHO)…and here (in a nutshell) is what they remember the “good ones/effective ones/difference-making ones” doing:

  • set high expectations
  • encouraged
  • had confidence in them
  • respected them and their space
  • were interesting
  • valued, listened to and respected then
  • built a relationship with them
  • had passion
  • gave you a “gift” (like in the gift of love of music)
  • engaged and interacted with them
  • had a sense of humor
  • were real people
  • were involved in their school community and
  • made them think.

And more memories were shared.

So much is written (and ranted) about assessment (as in state-wide standardized tests)…and so many times in our media we find our teachers (in particular K-12) beaten up over test scores. If the so-called establishment leaders would help to assess teachers on the skills and relationships listed above maybe there would be a better gauge for what our teachers really do.

Video recommendation of the week:

Enjoy a song from my first CD. Turn up your speakers and sing along!

Yeah, I know these are so-called “soft skills.” But, you know, the more I read about successful businesses and leaders, the more I hear about the value of these soft skills. Obviously, we better know how to read, write, add/subtract and the like.

But I can tell you, the teachers I remember kicked me in the butt–and hugged me at once. I can’t say I remember many of the “facts” they taught me–but I do remember the building blocks of life they helped to put in place.  They helped build and buttress my core value structure.

If only we could “measure” caring, charisma, passion, encouragement, and respect—and more “soft-skills.”

So, your homework for today comes in two parts:

  • Think of the teacher that made a difference in your life. What did he or she do? My guess it went beyond preparing you for a test of facts that you soon forgot.
  • If you have not done so recently, reach out to those teachers who made a difference (whether it was last year or decades ago) and thank them. They would love it.

Go forth and advocate for the teachers of your community.  And give thanks for those who made a difference for you.

Make it a wonderful week—H.T.R.B. as needed.

Check out my website (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/programs.html) for programming information as well as details about upcoming webinars  (http://www.stevepiscitelli.com/webinars).

Information on my newest book, Choices for College Success (3rd ed.), can be found at Pearson Education.

(c) 2014. Steve Piscitelli. All rights reserved.

 

Posted in effective teaching, Gratitude, Impact, influence, Making a Difference | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment