NOTE: You can find more information about the mission of this page here
This beaches holiday tradition (since 2013) has become home to many bright spots. You can find more information here.
Enjoy your week. And remember to stop and appreciate your Community Bright Spots!
And if you’d like to hear about bright spots from the mouth of a dog, check out Roxie’s bi-weekly blog. WOOF!
My weekly blog can be found here.
©Steve Piscitelli. 2021. The Growth and Resilience Network®
Rather than counting why you’re right and I’m wrong, or I’m up and your down,
or they’re out of bounds and we’re right on target,
can we count on the times/things/topics on which we agree?
~~~~~
Information overload. We all experience it multiple times and in multiple forms each day. Like the coupon your local store gives to you. Looks good until you read the lengthy list (in very small type) of the exceptions.
Or the sporting events that must list every conceivable bit of minutiae concerning a simple play in a game. Like exit velocity. A baseball player hits a homerun. That used to be good enough. A run or runs score. Yeah! Now we have to get the exit velocity and launch angle. Huh? The team doesn’t get any more runs added to the scoreboard for an exploding exit velocity or the angle it left the bat. But we have to listen to it. Ad nauseum.
And you can think of much more.
We are inundated, buried, and overwhelmed with information. At times it is good. Other times we become numb as everyone counts the tally marks.
From likes and views on social media to dollars in the donation pot to the last-minute emails imploring more money because “the goal” is in sight to the probability of your team making the playoffs to the % increase of crime or infections rates to counting the differences rather than the similarities.
Everybody is counting. But are they counting the right things?
As I sing in one of my songs, “Everybody’s countin/countin everything/countin their fears/coiled like a spring….countin the tatters/countin the tears/just ain’t countin what matters…” (©2021. Steve Piscitelli)
No doubt that we need to be aware of, say, infections and variants. Or that crime is up in the community.
But can’t we concentrate (even lead with) more on counting the good stuff that is up. Like the high percentage of neighborhoods without a crime increase (or even with a decrease). Or the number of meals delivered to isolated senior citizens. Or mentors working with students.
Rather than counting why you’re right and I’m wrong, or I’m up and your down, or they’re out of bounds and we’re right on target, can we count on the times/things/topics on which we agree–and build from there?
Can we count on building a bond? Can we count on appreciating achievements without belittling those who came up short?
Counting things we share and counting things that matter.
Video recommendation for the week.
As we count we can end up counting people into boxes and creating separations. Take a look at this short video.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
Establish who you are as a person; boundaries and all.
~~~~~
Speakers often rely on stories to drive a point home; to resonate and connect with the audience in front of them. Watch a presidential state of the union address and you will, no doubt, find the president at some point pointing to the upstairs gallery and recognizing a person to highlight an existing need or new policy. Or a charity will tell the story of a family to demonstrate why it (the charity and the family) needs your donation.
Hearing (and understanding) the stories of others helps us connect to issues we might not otherwise comprehend or feel.
Yet, there is another story that resonates and needs to be shared. Your story in your voice. When we can authentically share in a deliberative dialogue our stories with one another we stand a better chance of connecting and bonding.
Three books I checked out from the local public library highlighted, in different ways, this important point of finding your voice.
Brené Brown’s Rising Strong addresses reckoning with a difficult situation and understanding the story behind the circumstances—and how you fit and why you react as you do. It’s difficult to solve a conflict if the specifics are not in place. You must understand the story—your story and how others fit into the story.
The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu offers a four-step path to embracing forgiveness. Before the hurt we feel can be reconciled, they maintain, we must first tell the story—what happened, how it happened, why it happened, who was involved and so on. Tutu maintains before we can name the hurt, we first must understand the story—our story and that of the others involved in the story.
Harriet Lerner says before can connect with anyone else we first must find our voice. In The Dance of Connection she states, “We are all in this soup together” and must “speak wisely and well” in order to find our voice.
A recent online article offered advice on “how to make friends as an adult.” It presented important tips and strategies like be a good listener, volunteer in your community to meet new contacts, and engage in social meetups. All good points. Yet, there is, I believe, another critical step.
You have to make sure you tell people your story. Not a blow by blow account of all the ups, downs, and stalls. Not a doctoral thesis. Not a collective monologue. Rather, establish who you are as a person; boundaries and all.
As Lerner stated, we must “know our bottom line. That is, the values, beliefs, and priorities that are so crucial to preserving and protecting the self that we will not compromise them in any relationship.” (p. 3) That bottom line underscores a major part of our story.
What is your story—and how do you share it appropriately and authentically?
Video recommendation for the week.
Of course, there is another piece to this story about your story: Sometimes our stories are incomplete–just like those of others. In this TED Talk, therapist Lori Gottlieb reminds us that the freedom to tell our stories comes with a catch: We have to take responsibility for our story.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
So, I pulled myself off the too-often-climbed-on ledge of self-righteous upset
and took a deep breath and waited.
~~~~~
“Where are they?”
Like most craftsmen and service people, when I made the appointment I was given a two-hour block as to when they would arrive at our front door. In this case, between 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. It was now 4:15 p.m.—and no knock on the door or phone message indicating a late arrival.
“Great, another company I cannot trust.” My thoughts started taking me down an unfortunately too-often-traveled rabbit hole.
I called the contractor’s office and was told the service techs had gotten tied up at a previous appointment and were now on their way to our location. Which, given the traffic, meant they would not arrive until after 5 p.m. I almost canceled the appointment.
Then I remembered the hypothesis of generosity I had recently read about in Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution.
The gist: “What is the most generous assumption you can make about this person’s intentions or what this person said?” Or in my case, what the person did not do—show up on time.
So, I pulled myself off the too-often-climbed-on-ledge of self-righteous upset and thought, “OK. Perhaps the last job for these service people was more than they were told. Maybe somebody got injured. Let me give them the benefit of the doubt.” I took a deep breath and waited. (Not easy for me.)
When they arrived (about an hour late), I noticed the journeyman limping as he walked to the door. He apologized and we reviewed what he was to do in our home. The apprentice brought in the tools and they went about the repair.
Rather than grill them or give them a stony-faced reception, I thanked them for coming and extended generosity: “Sounds like a tough day for you.”
The response was, “You have no idea. It seems that all the jobs today escalated. What was supposed to be two or three tasks turned into eight or ten.” I listened. Did not judge. And did not minimize what he and his helper had been through.
That led to my acknowledgment of the limp and then to an explanation about a significant injury to his ankle years ago that, on this particular day, was acting up on him. More listening. Generosity.
They finished the job in a respectful, competent, and polite manner. Cleaned up and departed with tired yet authentic smiles and a thank you for my business to their company.
Extending generosity does not give license to people to crap on us and disrespect us. In fact, Brown states, “We could all stand to be more generous, but we also need to maintain our integrity and our boundaries.” (page 122)
I maintained my boundaries in the above example. I expected quality work, respectful behavior, and follow-up information about the job. The two men did their part. There was no escalation of ill will or the lingering emotions of a trying day. What, after all, would that have accomplished other than self-righteous posturing?
The hypothesis of generosity helped lead to a healthy and cortisol-lowering end to the day.
Video recommendation for the week.
Listen to Brené Brown speak about the importance of empathy and connection in this short video clip.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
May you give yourself time to reflect on your list of thanks and appreciation.
~~~~~
When feeling down, doubtful, or disappointed, I find it helpful to remind myself of the good people, experiences, and things that surround me each day.
From Laurie and to Roxie to the cashier in the coffee shop to neighbors to community leaders to friends to people at the airport (pet therapy visits), I am thankful to so many for what they do to make our world a better place.
And I am thankful for opportunities, habits, talents, skills, and traits that allow me to understand and give back to those around me. That is the focus of this post. If there is a common denominator with the list below it is that each item allows me to be curious and grow. I am thankful (among so much more) for these opportunities:
Awareness
Beach walks
Collaboration
Discipline
Encouragement
Friendship
Gratitude (given and received)
Improv
Justice
Kindness
Laughter
Music
Neighbors
Peace
Quiet
Respect
Sunrises
Touch (healing)
Understanding
Vaccinations
Well-being
Xenodochial (people who are)
Yes, and (people)
Zest
May you give yourself time to reflect on your list of thanks and appreciation.
Video recommendation for the week.
The Pentatonix sing “Thank You.”
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
Do not allow your non-negotiables to become negotiable.
~~~~~
I’ve written and spoken about the importance of recognizing and prioritizing the non-negotiables in our lives. Things like health, family, social connections, purpose, spirituality, boundaries, and limits.
At times, though, we can get caught up in the whirl of life. And the important things start to get pushed to the side. That is not, at least from me, a criticism. More of an observation.
No doubt, there are times when life does intrude and our great and healthy intentions get shoved to the side as we step in to help someone or contribute to our community.
The reminder: Even in the crazy times, we would do well (for ourselves and those for whom we we care) to step back and re-evaluate whether our actions are moving us toward or away from our health, dreams, and purpose.
Video recommendation for the week.
While this particular talk focused on the teachers in the auditorium, it has ramifications for all of us. The last few seconds, in particular, of this short video clip reinforce what happens if we do not protect our non-negotiables.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
The ocean does not judge. It is.
And the is provides a sense of now and the future.
~~~~~
Most mornings find Roxie and me on the beach watching the sunrise. Roxie scratches the sand and nestles in while I take a few photos and ponder the day to come. Even on those days when the sun hides behind the clouds I am strengthened and calmed. On those occasions we do not make it to the beach I always fell a bit of a tug, a loss, even a sadness.
I’ve thought about that. What is it about our morning ritual that is soothing and nurturing? I think, in part, it is the time with Roxie as she stretches, sniffs, and paws her way to the beach. Some of it could be the small pod of neighbors who gather on the sand to watch the morning awaken. Or is it because I am a “water sign”—a Pisces? Did something happen in a previous life? (Was there a previous life?)
This past week, Laurie and I spent a few days in the Florida Keys. Roxie wasn’t with us. Our Atlantic Beach sunrise pod did not make the trip. Yet the energy still flowed for me. Whether standing on the sand, swimming in the ocean or paddling a kayak, I felt at home sensing the water.
Spirituality has various definitions and connotations depending on the source. For some, it is connected to a religion and/or a specific dogma. For me, spirituality embraces a connection to a sense of peace, love, beauty, inner strength, creativity, hope, beginnings, and non-judgment.
When I stand in witness to the ocean—no matter the location—I have a sense of awe and gratitude.
The ocean does not judge. It is.
And the is provides a sense of the now as well as the future.
Video recommendation for the week.
Seven years ago, I shot this sunrise video. Perhaps you could add a few more descriptors.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
We let go of cherished ideas and begin to seek new ways
of thinking, listening, collaborating, and doing.
~~~~~
Ever feel hemmed in by your own thinking? Or better still, do you even recognize that your habitual patterns may have short-circuited yourself? You end up doing things the same because, well, that’s the way we do things around here!
Roger von Oech’s work A Whack On The Side Of The Head: How You Can Be More Creative challenges readers to jolt themselves out of the same old way of approaching a problem or idea. In addition to his book (and he has written more since, including a new one released this month), I invested in his Creative Whack Pack: 64 Creativity Strategies to Provoke and Inspire Your Thinking. Each of the sixty-four cards asks us to examine our problem-solving approach. Questions help us whack ourselves on the side of the head and look at how we might change the rules of our thinking. Or, if not change, at least challenge what we think, say, and do.
When we whack our thinking, von Oech says, we begin to exercise our “risk muscle.” We let go of cherished ideas and begin to seek new ways of thinking, listening, collaborating, and doing.
Each card is a strategy in and of itself that helps us “recognize the dogma and shoulds that can cloud our judgment.” By doing this we are whacking our thinking. And that can help us move off the well-worn (and, possibly, less productive) path we have been traveling. It can help us mix it up. Sometimes, as he says in a recent blog post, we have to learn to zag instead of zig.
At times we might miss opportunities by not seeing what we want to/need to do because we continue to do things in a tried-and-true manner. It can limit our horizons.
Using a quote attributed to Carl Ally, von Oech offers that “either you let your life slip away by not doing things you want to do, or you get up and do them.”
To “get up and do them” might require whackin’ your thinkin’.
How can you whack your thinking this week professionally and/or personally?
Video recommendation for the week.
The opportunities we create when we challenge our thinking may help us amplify our idea and its reach. Listen to what amplification meant for one company.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
Caregivers have clear boundaries and limits.
Care takers do not—and the results can be heartbreaking.
~~~~~
In his book, The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Achieving Calm, and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, John Lee distinguishes between boundaries and limits. Two key concepts, if remembered and employed, will help us construct and maintain healthy personal and professional relationships. If forgotten, they can lead us down the road of regret, resentment, disappointment, and rage.
In short, boundaries show where we begin and end. When clearly constructed and articulated, they let others know how far they can go with us. Like a solid fence line. If, however, they are more like a picket fence (an example Lee uses) we may find ourselves too accommodating and let transgressions through our comfort zone. They can lead to ill feelings and behavior outbursts.
Limits tell others just how far you will go. Healthy and clear limits do not leave people guessing about what you will or will not do. That could lead them toward regret, resentment, disappointment, and rage.
In the second half of his book, Lee makes an interesting distinction between caregivers and care takers. For instance. a son acting as a caregiver for his father provides comfort, shelter, a listening ear, and a helping hand. He enhances his father’s life and wellbeing assuming that he, the son, understands his own limits. That is, just how far he (the son) can go to help and remain healthy himself. As Lee states, “If we stay true to our rhythms, we know how long we can visit our parents without falling into odd, destructive conversations and patterns. We know when to seek solitude to recharge our batteries….” (p. 141).
If we do not pay attention to those limits we risk venturing moving toward resentment and rage. At that point we become care takers. Again from Lee: “Care takers actually end up taking something out of those they are around—such as their integrity, energy, self-esteem….” (p. 140)
In short, caregivers have clear boundaries and limits. Care takers do not and, consequently, may find themselves overwhelmed with ill-will and seeking “payment” (emotional or otherwise) for their actions.
Rather than giving care and comfort to the person in need, that person is left a little less whole; a little more depleted.
Video recommendation for the week.
A 60-second video reminding us of the difference between boundaries and limits.
Make it a wonderful week and HTRB has needed.
You will find my latest book, Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit, in
eBook ($2.99) and paperback ($9.99) format. Click here.
My dog Roxie gets top billing on the author page for this work. Without her, there would be no story. Please, check out her blog.
And you can still order:
You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.
You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.
©2021. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida
For more on the mission of this page click here.
~~~~~
Past issues of “Community Bright Spots!” have focused on architecture, parks, nature, art, and recreation. Each post encouraged (hopefully) readers to pause and reflect on the beauty and positivity within their neighborhoods, on their daily walks, or the view from their window.
This post focuses on another type of bright spot: a long-time community organization dedicated to community enhancement through education and deliberative dialogues.
In January of 2004, Beaches Watch came into existence. Meeting at Fletcher Senior High School (another Community Bright Spot!), the organization was launched. Those gathered had a simple mission, “to monitor and improve the quality of life for the beaches.” (Minutes of January 28, 2004 meeting).
Today the mission reads:
Beaches Watch is a non-partisan nonprofit civic organization whose mission is to promote educated and productive citizen involvement in local and state government decisions that affect the future of our northeast Florida beaches communities. (See Beaches Watch.)
This organization continues to promote sharing and discussing factual information in a civil and uplifting format. In an era that witnesses yelling, booing, and shaming, Beaches Watch stands tall and continues to travel the high road. One might even make the point, that this organization’s membership supports the high road so that others may travel it, as well. Providing light rather than throwing shade.
I have had the honor to serve on the Board of Directors for the past three years. (This year marks my final year on the Board.) I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to learn and serve my community.
~~~~~
Enjoy your week. And remember to stop and appreciate your Community Bright Spots!
And if you’d like to hear about bright spots from the mouth of a dog, check out Roxie’s bi-weekly blog. WOOF!
My weekly blog can be found here.
The Growth and Resilience Network® 