Is this how I want to live the remaining years of my life?

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We all have experienced the challenges associated with having too many things on our to-do lists. We add and add and add and…

There are times when the “to-dos” are critical “must-dos” for you and your significant others. Other times, these tasks can lead us down a path of worry, anxiety, fretting, and injury. Let’s call these the things we need to not do. That was one of the reasons behind my suggestion of creating a “To-Don’t List.”

When you create your “To-Don’t List” you may want to add “What ifs?” The what-if mindset can create an emotional vulnerability that leads to debilitating self-doubt. I know those two words, what if, can exhaust me if I am not on guard.

Sometimes, living a life of what-ifs can lead to anxiety, pain, and confusion. 

In his book Unwinding Anxiety, Judson Brewer urges the reader to recognize how the three-step anxiety loop packs a debilitating wallop to our emotional and physical well-being. The loop becomes a habit.

• First, there is a TRIGGER. Something that tells the brain, “You need to be on alert/high alert.”
• Second, you engage in BEHAVIOR based on, generally, past behavior to the same trigger. Call it an automatic response.
• Third, you receive the RESULT of the behavior.

Perhaps every time you have to present a proposal (the trigger), you enter a never-ending what-if cycle of all that could go sideways and you fret and worry (the behavior). Consequently, you don’t sleep the night before, your stomach is in knots, and you are a hot mess as you walk into the meeting (the result).  

Are you happy with that result? Does that result help you do a better job? Is it a healthy response? I’d guess that the answer to those questions is a resounding NO.

Brewer suggests that we get curious. When we see ourselves entering a situation that is the trigger for an expected unhelpful loop, stop and identify what we are about to do—and the result it will invariably bring. Is there a different way—a better way—to behave? What else can we do that is healthy and will lead us to a more productive result? Do this often enough and we can replace the debilitating loop with a more energizing (read: healthy) one.

Recently, one of my triggers was about to set off the usual anxious and unhelpful/unhealthy behaviors. I knew what the result would be for me. Increased cortisol levels, grouchiness, lack of clear thinking, and just a real pain in the keester to be around. That day I stopped as I was about to engage in unhealthy anxious behavior. I got curious and I asked myself a question.

In my remaining years of life, is this how I want to live?

The answer came quickly. No. I do not.

How about you?

What healthy adjustments can you make to your triggers to bring about a less anxious result?

How do you want to live your life going forward?

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VIDEO RECOMMENDATION

Click here to see a quick interview with Brewer about this loop.

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You will find more about me at www.stevepiscitelli.com.

Information about my newest book, Sharing Wisdom Across the Ages: From Elementary School to Retirement (2023), (eBook and paperback versions) will be found here.

And you can still order:

• Roxie Looks for Purpose Beyond the Biscuit (2020), in eBook and paperback format. Click here.
• Community as a Safe Place to Land (2019, print and e-book). Available on Amazon. More information (including seven free podcast episodes that spotlight the seven core values highlighted in the book) is at the above link.
• Stories about Teaching: No Need to be an Island (2017, print and e-book). Available on Amazon. One college’s new faculty onboarding program used the scenarios in this book. Contact me if you and your team are interested in doing the same. The accompanying videos (see the link above) could serve to stimulate community-building conversations at the beginning of a meeting.

You can find my podcasts (all fifty episodes) here.

©2023. Steve Piscitelli
The Growth and Resilience Network®
Atlantic Beach, Florida